My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
