Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
