i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
