i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He? As in you personified your dick?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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