So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
