I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
