I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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