Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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