my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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