I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i will never coherently bang her
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
