im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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