Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Randomize
