Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
