I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
