what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
