Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
