alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
