i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
