ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
