PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
