Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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