dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
