The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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