You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
