I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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