What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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