Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
