:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
