its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
