I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
