I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
