just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
