Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
