He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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