Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
