Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
