the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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