I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Randomize
