Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just blew my weed a kiss
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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