Tell her she can't have a vagina
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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