He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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