My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
