Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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