so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
