her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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