Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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