I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
