I don't usually arrange sex via text message
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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