do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
