have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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