Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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