We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
