hell yes lets make some ravioli
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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