yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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