dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
