Your tits are I can't wait for
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
