So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
