my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
