You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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