you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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