I just made out with a guy for $7.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
