i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
